It looks like I’ve injured myself in a way that will not heal. This is partially due to age, and partially due to my own overconfidence and refusing to accept that I’m not a teenager anymore. Long story short, I used to be able to ride long distances on my bicycle, and now I can’t do that anymore.
I had big plans to go on long bicycle tours and basically live off my bike for weeks at a time. With this new limitation, it’s very unlikely that I will ever be able to do that. I was just getting started on the pathway to fulfilling a lifelong dream, and now I’m faced with this hard reality; I will never get to do what I’ve wanted to do since I was a child.
People age. We can’t help that, but we can help getting old. I feel like I let myself get old. I feel like I fucked up, because I did. The injury was easily avoidable, and was totally my fault. Now I’m blaming myself.
I can still ride my bike, just not very far. I’ve spent the past year trying to push through this new limitation, and now I’m seeing that’s not going to happen.
I know I’ll eventually find a bright side to this. Maybe it’ll cause me to have some experience I wouldn’t have had otherwise? Maybe I’ll figure out a compromise of some kind?
I’ve been fortunate enough to have been healthy my whole life, so this is all new for me. I suppose I should have expected it eventually, but now here it is, and I’m not ready.
I’d like to hear about how others have learned to accept a sudden limitation in their life.
I’ve been living with a newly acquired “old man knee” now for about two weeks. Last Monday, I woke up, and my right knee hurt like hell and was swollen. I could barely walk but managed to get to the emergency room. The doctor said I probably overdid an activity. I have no idea what activity I overdid because I’m new to this concept of overdoing things, so I’ve started asking around. I’m like “hey, what would you consider overdoing this or that?” I wear my knee brace when I go out for a walk, I take my anti-inflammatory pills when needed and my paracetamol when needed, and I’m learning by asking people. I think you and I might be similar. I’ve never broken anything. Until now, I’ve been doing all the activities like I’ve always done them since like, I don’t know, age 18. For me it has been a learning experience, yes, and I think that’s a bright side you’ve pointed out. I feel more humble than I did before, too, and I think that’s good as well. I was planning on taking a very long, all-day walk in the country before this happened. I didn’t have a particular day programmed, just any time before the summer is over. I guess this sort of thing forces us to change plans. In your case, maybe you can’t live on your bicycle and do a huge tour, but you can totally compromise. If I were you, I might try to find a bus company that allows people to take their bikes with them. Then, you could do a bus and bike combo tour, right? If you have a car, do a drive the car and bike ride combo tour. In my case, I’m going to see how my knee improves (if it improves) and instead of a long all-day walk in the country I’ll just figure out a shorter hike to take, maybe ride on some transportation, walk, then ride on some transportation, and repeat as needed. You did not let yourself get old. I know from experience of getting there myself (now 48, nearly half a century!) that we do not make ourselves get old. Time passes by and does all that work for us. We can, however, make other types of decisions that we can be happy with, like the examples I’ve given you. I know it’s hard to make compromises even with yourself (I’m doing it, though) but I think with a little imagination you can find ways to change plans that can be satisfying.
Are you me?
Like you said, I’ve been doing all the stuff I used to do since I was a teenager without thinking about it. That’s what fucked up my knee, and those days of not thinking about it are over. It’s a whole new life I have to get used to.
Also, what am I gonna do with all these bikes?
I guess we are not twins. I was hoping you could ride your bikes a little. No bikes at all, then? I’m very sorry to hear that. I don’t think you messed up your knee being foolish or doing things thoughtlessly. Injuries happen because we move around and also because we get older, as you mentioned in your OP. Please don’t beat yourself up. If you can’t ride your bikes anymore I guess for now grieve the loss you feel. When you’re ready, you’ll find alternatives, but it will take a lot of time, especially when you feel as passionate about your hobby as you clearly do. I’ve been swearing at myself around the house today because sometimes I forget I have a shitty knee and kneel down on the floor or put weight on it. So, solidarity. I hope you can process all of this in a way that will make sense to you. And again, please, don’t beat yourself up. Go easy on yourself, OK? If you can’t convince yourself you did nothing wrong, at the very least, please find a way to forgive yourself. Everyone deserves forgiveness. At least, that’s how I see things.
I did. I felt the discomfort and thought I could just “ride through it”, so I went another 25 miles as it got progressively worse. I thought it was just a muscle cramping. It was my cartilage tearing.
I can still ride my bikes, but maybe only 10-20 miles of light/moderate effort. I can’t go distances anymore.
Thanks for the support. I do appreciate it.
You’re so welcome. I’m grateful to find someone with a similar problem I have. It’s helpful to commiserate. I’m so glad you can still ride your bike a little. I think that if my knee hadn’t swollen up like it did I would perhaps have found myself in a similar situation to yours. Until two weeks ago, I would have called it “working it out,” with “it” being the discomfort. Joints are like that. I have a small pain here and there in the past years and walking a little has provided me with relief. Even now, it feels good to bend my shitty knee when it’s sore. In fact, when it starts to feel funny, I automatically bend it to make it feel better. Moving joints helps with pain. It’s just not always a good idea. How are we supposed to know? We aren’t specialists in this stuff. So, in my mind, you did nothing stupid. In fact, it makes total sense to me. I’m going through it now as I’m typing, actually! Anyway, feel free to chat any old time. Always happy to listen and read about your experiences and be helpful if I can.