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Have been customer with hetzner for more than 10 years and they are awesome. First physical server (HDD swaps in 10 minutes!) Now on their cloud environment. It just runs and is cost effective!
You can even use terraform to describe your resources and have them created automatically, or use the API from any programming language.
Provided this is not a joke, have you considered that this might be a coping mechanism? Almost the same way that people cutting themselves is a way of coping with stress or depression.
I would recommend talking to your GP or a psychologist.