Meep :3
They/Them, also “It” when a critter I like is being cute ior affectionate about it :3 Very cute, but also weird and sometimes kinda sharp
Hates this world, hates being stuck in it. Needs rescuing, needs understanding. Not happening. Only misery and extension of said misery happening.

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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: November 26th, 2023

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  • All in all, this kind of in-fighting among leftist game developers is something that was actually parodied in Disco Elysium, making the situation all the more ironic.

    The article’s author put politics into your video games news, not me. Not that I’m at all sorry: those who want to bury their heads in sand shouldn’t peek out and get upset at the world for still being present. I want out too but I’ve not got nearly enough privilege to pretend “this is fine” except for people talking about it.





  • My system (a laptop, all I’ve got 'cause I had to skitterflee from doomness v.v ) can’t run much so I’m kinda stuck at “playable” framerates on old games :-\ I kinda hate to admit it but I’ve been playing Borderlands 2 … the Linux version, 'cause the Windows version, which has a bunch of patches and mod support, just doesn’t run well enough for me 😭 Can’t even get any DLC, though I’ve been really wanting to try Gaige. May be too burnt out to enjoy it any more anyway.

    Before that was Titan Quest, which just doesn’t really play like I wish it did. Played it a bunch anyway. Bleh.

    So now I’m just sitting around trying to avoid losing my mind to boredom or despair. flailyskitters around in circles 😵‍💫


  • Very agree here. Less and less is actually GNU, so by what metric do we have to include things? “GNU is an OS?” I’m running two at once? No, it’s three, some of this software comes from BSD. Or is it more? Maybe I’ve got tools developed on/from/for other OSes still! Hell, I’ve got Windows software on this system. Gotta tell everybody I’m running GNU and Linux and BSD and Windows and (…) 🤦

    This naming “debate” is absurd.

    Edit: I meant to say, it’s really getting too late to push the naming issue as a means of making people recognize how much of “Linux” is GNU, considering the connections are decreasing. Even the kernel builds with clang these days, GNU tools and libs get replaced… I don’t know that I’m happy about this, but it seems plausible (at a casual glance from a non-expert observer) that GNU’s practically on its way out. On the other paw, I’ll be glad to never hear about this naming “issue” again if everything GNU gets buried.


  • Not a fan of someone who uses the r-slur and makes a show of not being “woke,” but I agree that that list is utterly ludicrous. Flagging something like it’s practically unplayable because you can if you search for them find a couple of same-sex characters in the ass end of nowhere holding hands is kinda mind-blowing.

    They even complained about someone claiming to be asexual. Seriously?? Someone not wanting sex is the big horrible Woke Agenda™ being shoved down poor, innocent Gamers™’ throats? Look here, it’s incels doing reverse wokism “making” a game engine because Real Men™ never use a premade one! Don’t think about why they would want to associate with a general-purpose game engine despite also claiming that every dev must make their own! Thinking is WOKE! You’ll turn gay if you think!

    🤬 Baffling absurdity, I say!


  • How is using a game engine “woke?” I feel like I’m missing something about either gamedev history or yet another new meaning of “woke” 🤔

    Edit: NEVERMIND I missed a bit in the wall of text 😅 Sorries. I’ll just, uh… hide over here now 😶‍🌫️

    Edit edit: Actually, no, fuck that. “Can’t make their own engines” is incredibly asinine. It takes huge amounts of effort to make a half-decent engine and even established studios are (CDPR??) or should be (Bethesda!) switching to engines built by organizations ostensibly dedicated to making engines and making them well. These bellends have created a kind of counter-productive elitism that was ridiculous decades ago, all to excuse their bigotry.


  • Hmmm, sortof same-ish as last week. Rib still a little rough, doc said it was probably costochondritis from having COVID and will go away. Is taking its time but slowly going away :-\

    I think Essentia (local major health system) pumps drugs into their air or something: I always get all excited and encouragey-happy at their offices. Doc convinced me to sign up for stuff and add another anxiolytic. I went in today to peep at one of the thera-things and eep! 8:00-15:00 groupapy four days a week! I declined for now but the critter there was very helpy and I’ma get a new therapist sometime 😅 Looking forward to a comfy one who can provide some hope and help nodnoddle The current one has offered to refer me for a helpycritter who I think will help me sort out all’ the stuff I need to get set up to start becoming stable. Could be good! tentative wigglish-wobble!

    Dunno if it’s the meds or what but I keep having these weird perspective-shift things that make me feel all tiny and vulnerable >.<; Am mouse but not scaredy squishy mouse! Am cute wiggly mouse! I think maybe what’s happening is something’s dragging me out of my usual detached kind of state and making me feel stuff that’s reasonably there anyway? Or it’s just upsetting my wiggly skittery skittish lil mind, I guess. Idunno. :-\

    Also, this fluffy cat likes me too much now and spends all night in my room MEOWING LOUDLY and messing with things on my desk and occasionally loafing on top of me. She’s cute (and soft) but I wish she’d let me sleep :(



  • I don’t really have a clear idea of “who I am” but I’m clearly some kinda weird goofy wiggly thingy at my core 😅 wiggles to illustrate

    Also my thing is like yours, I clear up (or think I do) pretty quick once I’ve started. It’s just terrifying to start anything that isn’t very familiar :-\ I don’t quite even know the rules for that familiarity threshold. Bleh! 'Course, judging by my amazingly high blood pressure when I started getting that treated… could be I just get past a threshold and go from “super anxy” to “so anxy I can’t even feel it any more” 🤷 Is weird. Am weird. extra shrug to illustrate very-shrugness


  • I’ve been playing a lot of Space Empires IV 😅 Am gonna keep trying stuff. May have another pass at my Itch library. I’m just kinda missing Elder Scrolls specifically, I guess, and though I could play Daggerfall and/or Morrowind, they just make me miss ESO 😅 Maybe I’ll try anyway. scritches at imaginary itch 😟

    I don’t even know if the ancient attic wiring up here could handle a gaming rig 😅

    Also, making calls and going places isn’t just “difficult” for me. I get actually physically ill. Even (somewhat) medicated I can be stuck in the restroom anxing for an hour before going on a two-minute ride down the road to pick up snacks from the local shop. I will put off a simple call, incurring debts or penalties or whatever, for months or years just because I can’t get myself to press the button to call. A lot of people say “Oh, it’s like that for everyone” but it is not. “Everyone hates phones,” people tell me, but few dread them.

    …Unless it’s like that for everyone and this world’s even more asinine that I’d realized. Surely there’s no way everyone’s just accepted being terrified constantly. Maybe they have and I’m the only rational person on Earth, baffled that the people around me think panic is normal and I’m weird for not accepting that 🤔 😮‍💨

    wobbles away mumbling


  • Thankies! Calling and going are hugely difficult for me so finding and setting up with a new one is gonna be rough. … If I can even bring myself to do it :-\ Bleeegh!

    Can’t play ESO because I’ve only got my laptop and it just cannot run the game playably. Had to leave my (rather old but still vaguely capable) gaming box when I fled a few months ago. wobble Something that makes it even worse is knowing I could easily lose interest instantly upon loading the game back up 😅 Something I’ve put a lot of time into tends to fail to hold interest no matter how much I feel like I’ll love getting back into it, once I’ve left it. … I lose interest pretty quickly, unfortunately. Have to have new ways of doing things or I have no interest in doing them even if they’re new things. Finishing games is hard for me because there’s usually no growing or (mechanical) learning left to do at the end :-\



  • Bleeeh 🤷 Really wishing I could play certain games. Am missing ESO really hard latelish 😅 Money concerns getting real nasty. Bills piling up upon themselves. Local cash assistance stuff has been unhelpful and I don’t know what to do about that. Finally got a therapist… who seems to be just kinda going through paperwork with nothing to say of her own and no actually listening/talking to me. Just, y’know, filling out forms kinda stuff. For hours at a time @.@ Idunno if it’s really supposed to be like this for the first several appointments but I just feel like I’m not going to get any actual help from her. I think my way forward right now is to get onto SSI and see a psychiatrist and a therapist who’s actually good for me, but I’m kinda afraid to say any of that to her (and make myself look like I’m just looking for free money or something, and… Idunno just vibes-wise, I guess, I feel like she’s not exactly eager to help) and don’t know what else to do 🤷 :-\ So I’m just kinda stuck in this “Well, now what?” spot trying not to think about how unlikely it is that I’ll be able to escape more awful messness. Even having debt collectors to look forward to sounds like torture, given some of my problems.

    Bleh. Very bleh! Double bleh with an ugh on top. Also maybe a little grr. frusses noisily, then skitters into a nearby cloud 😶‍🌫️

    Edit: Oh, and I’ve got some kinda spot like I oopsed up a rib or something and it hurts a lot when I sneeze D: Also hurts when I move some ways. Unfun!





  • Frussy. Gotta bus over to an appointment to get my head checked @.@ Maybe that critter can help me get on a cash assistance program. She tried to, but they just (eventually) sent me three copies of a rejection thing, dated a week previous to when I got them. This crap is all very mysterious and cryptic and quiet. It’s just, struggle up the ability to send in an app in the first place, then hurry up and wait for a week or a month and maybe finally get something in the mail from like a week previous saying I’ve got two days (from a week previous) to settle some crap, or whatever. Or it just says nothing and I’m loster than before. Ugh. I’d like to be able to buy soap and maybe even pay bills, which this thing should let me do but it takes ages for anyone to even tell me anything and then I get that sorted and it’s just… …



    …No

    >:(

    Anyway, if I survive not paying my bills maybe I can get some head-meds to make life livable. I hate being stuck in this horrible hunam hellhole world v.v wobbles frussily

    Other than that I guess I’m fine 🤷 Anxing over going out makes everything 😬 COVID stuff clearing up, I think. COVID is lots of fun and I recommend it only to critters who enjoy maximum fun nodnod 🙃 Am playing Space Empires IV, an ancient space 4X game. Can’t fit or run much on this laptop. wobble Uhhmmmm… stuff, Idunno. Head’s all weird, honestly. I’m not sure it’s accepted that I’m even here. Sometimes I wake up and think I’m not. Sometimes I feel like I need to process things that I just can’t because I’m afraid I can’t actually be here, can’t trust anything or anyone. Like I start to think of this place as a kind of home and bam, something goes horribly wrong. … I’m rambling and I don’t even know why 😅 Uhhh anyway there are lots of games I suddenly miss now that I can’t play them. That’s tons of fun :| I brought some random little bits with me, for the projecty computery thingy I wanted to build 😅 Just found some knobs I was gonna use. Didn’t bring the pots, just the knobs for them. Didn’t bring my lil air filter. Oh, noisy bikes. There are tons of noisy bikes in this town @.@ They drive right by my window 😅

    Okay I’ll stop yapping now. … I haven’t been talking much so I guess I kinda just blurted out a ton of crap 😅 “Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short” springs to mind, thinking of my life. Odd reference to make there but oh well 🤷 skitters away, hides under a something


  • I’m taking this as an opportunity to illuminate issues with particular games, since… well, play on easy if you wanna, naturally. So, for my recommendation: If you don’t use the mod that makes all weapons very dangerous, Mass Effect Andromeda. Without a mod to speed it up a lot, every fight becomes ages of tedium. There’s one weapon that can be made any good and even that doesn’t make fights bearable. You’re basically sitting for like ten minutes at a time hosing down foes with off-brand Super Soakers until they get frustrated and leave. It’s quite bad. Just play it on easy. Not just easy, the easiest easy. Whatever the lowest difficulty is, pick that one. There’s just no point in anything higher unless you’ve got infinite patience. And ammo. Bleeegh.

    So, generally I play things on easier difficulties when I feel like anything higher will get tedious rather than interesting. The Mass Effect trilogy, I play on the maximum difficulty because that adds a bunch of mechanics that give me more to work around. Fighting armoured enemies should be done differently from fights against shielded enemies, that sort of thing. Enemies become more dangerous when they’re not shut down so there’s that encouragement to get them figured out before they bring out the scary attacks. Some games just increase health amounts, which… okay, just shoot them more? 😴 Boring.

    tl;dr: Games like Mass Effect Andromeda where difficulty settings only increase tedium. Am never gonna want to crank up the tedium setting.